Triggered

I decided after one of my more memorable jobs to stay in touch with the main boss even though he totally abused me (and everyone).

As I’ve reported before, while standing in a group of men, the boss showing the others how to use a piece of equipment, at my desk (that he did not actually know how to use), and when I intervened, I was told to “shut the f— up”.

I should have quit that day. But I did not. Like so many others, women and men, I thought I needed that job so my resume would look so much better. But with all of the stories coming out lately, not only of sexual harassment, but abuse, I’m triggered.

I’m triggered because I now know that I should have left that day and never looked back. I was not a newbie at that job. It was a job I went for after being married, having kids, and having a successful second career. So I knew what was right, and what was wrong. And I definitely knew what didn’t feel good. It definitely did not feel good to be yelled at. Nor did it feel good to be called into the boss’s office and told to pipe down. Turns out he had some “complaints” that I was just too loud, or I was just too animated, or too bubbly or too what? You know what? I enjoyed the job immensely and I talk a lot. Yes, I admit it (and anyone who really knows me, knows), I like talking. And so I’m on the radio, for many reasons, but one of the main ones, because I like to talk, a lot.

Why I was friends with this person on Facebook, is a whole Oprah Show. I just don’t know. Again, to further the career or resume? The events of late that triggered me led me to let go of that “friendship” and the “friendship” of another boss who used to scream at me about across the entire office of 50 people. She screamed personal stories I shared with her and humiliated me. But really, she humiliated herself. Who knew, but at that particular job, where I was only 24 years old, I already knew to hightail it outta there. So I did. Maybe because I heard that the first boss was bipolar and the second was physically ill with a major disease that I felt it was ok. But I also now know, it’s never ok.

So I continue my investigation into self repair, self care and self forgiveness.